I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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