Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
