So drunk its hurt
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You ruined the universe
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
