Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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