New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
