i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
