He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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she told me i tasted like america
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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