How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
