Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
