Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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