You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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