remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am available for nakedness
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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