We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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