I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
