I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
