I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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