do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
