Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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