he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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