my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
