we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
