Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
