why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize