yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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