i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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