you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
