My pussy is not your playground.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
