bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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