i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
