So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
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i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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