Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk is not a location!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
