In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
