I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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