I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
