Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
