pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
how drunk are you?
Several
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize