pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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