i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
