i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
