I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
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Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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