Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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