around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
