He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize