ugly people sure do ruin things
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
