did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
