I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
