Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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