I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
