Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize