wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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