why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
