I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
