im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
