Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
