I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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