I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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