that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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