like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
