return my video game
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
