she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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