If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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