even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize