we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The Olympian is in my bed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
