Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
