Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
